21 Day Challenge

I've had enough. I'm so fed up with myself I can't even begin to tell you...anyways.

DISCLAIMER: If you do not wish to hear the rants of a young adult about body image, dieting, etc then TURN BACK NOW. If you do wish to hear my irrelevant thoughts on myself and nutrition (YET AGAIN) then read on!

I know I've talked about this before and I also know everyone and their mom is always going on about dieting and health and blah blah blah. We get it. We know. Sugar is bad for you. Processed foods are bad blah blah blah.

BUT HERE'S THE THING. I LOVE LOVE LOVE all these foods that are bad for me. And when I start eating one, there is no stopping me! I can eat an entire bag of chips in one sitting or a box of peanut butter cups (i'm talking the tall plastic box from Trader Joe's. You know what's up). A pint of Ben and Jerry's? No problem. Oh did we order this pizza to share? That's funny because I already ate it all. You see what I mean? My stomach is truly the bottomless pit!

NOW HERE'S THE OTHER THING. I can eat and eat and eat because I LOVE my junk food but the thing is, when I'm done, I don't feel satisfied. I either feel so full I feel sick or I feel so guilty and terrible that I wish I had never had even one bite. So you would think "Well gee, if you know you feel so terrible afterwards, why even start in the first place??" That's just it. I DON'T KNOW. I don't know why I get such ridiculous cravings and why I always always always over do it.

HERE'S THE LAST THING. I'm very dissatisfied with how I look. I used to be much more fit, much more toned and much leaner. I want to get back there so bad, but my willpower and self-control seem to display otherwise. From the way I eat, you'd think I was trying to gain weight as quickly as possible. I know what's right and I know what's wrong. I know I feel terrible after giving in to my cravings and I know my willpower is pretty weak. Which leaves me frustrated. What's a girl to do??

I want to be safe and healthy, but I also want to look good, feel good, and perform well (athlete remember). So I think if I write these things out it might help. I also think that if I can be diligent about writing about my day to day on here that will help too.

Now here's the plan: they say it takes 21 days to break a habit. So here's what I'm going to do. Starting right now at this very moment, I'm going to go 21 days without refined sugar, gluten, caffeine, dairy, or legumes. I'm going to stay within the cooked realm though because it can get pretty difficult to do all uncooked. So I need to have a pretty specific plan and identify the places I'm most likely to slip up (and why). First, I need to snack on fruits and veggies throughout the day. This will keep my hunger in check and my energy high. Second, I need to not spend so much time in the dining hall. The longer I spend there, the more likely I am to make a bad decision. Third, I need to keep snacks out of my room - if I have snacks there, I WILL snack until the cows come home - effectively undoing all the good things I do during the day.

Going Up, Up, Up

Be ready to live and it'll be ripped right out of my hands
Maybe someday we'll take a ride
We'll go up, up, up and everything will be just fine

As I was procrastinating from my work tonight, I came across this awesome video about this amazing AMAZING kid. You need to watch this video. SERIOUSLY.

Zach Sobiech was diagnosed with terminal osteosarcoma (a rare form of bone cancer) in 2012 and recently passed away. When diagnosed, he decided to forgo more treatments and potential amputations in favor of living his life as fully as possible. One of the things he did was turn to music to express himself and leave his own legacy on the world.

Watching this, I'm reminded of just how much I have been blessed with. I am so incredibly lucky in my life and I so often lose sight of that. So often the problems I have seem so important and so earth shakingly large when really they are completely inconsequential. What do I have to complain about? I am alive and healthy and loved. That is everything. That right there is everything.

Every once in a while we need to remember this - we need to refocus on what is important. We need to remember that life is precious and is FULL of beautiful moments. I need to start living better - like my time here is limited. Because it is.

Put your hand on your heart. Do you feel it beating? Do you? You're ALIVE right now. How amazing is that? You have time to do things. You have this moment and the next and the next. But don't wait for the next moment - seize one right now to take full advantage of your life as it is right now.

Tell the people you love how much they mean to you. Do the things that make you happy. Approach every day not as a burden or something to get through, but as an opportunity to find beauty or happiness and sow these things in the lives of others. Do not be bound by fear - fear of being judged, fear of failing, fear of the unknown. Embrace your own power and love what you are. The right people will love you too.

So even though it's 1:40 AM and I still have half a paper to write, laundry to do, studying, and sleeping to do before practice tomorrow I am so happy in this moment to be alive and ready to make even more changes in my life.

This life is precious. Don't waste it.

Also check out Zach's song "Clouds" - sweet, charming, sad, and happy all at once.

Resistance

I'm breathing fast
I've never felt my heart like this
It's sinking in my head
I've lost my chances to resist

Take one guess based on those words: yup. Day one was a bust! You know I just was doing so good until dinner and then wouldn't you know it PECAN PIE. yikes. Let's just say my willpower crumbled like a sand castle underneath a destructive beach goer's foot. Needless to say it's back to the drawing board tomorrow.

On the flip side, I had a pretty good practice today so there's that!

And now onto more important things - things the theoretical people who read this blog might want to know about.

Here's another jam - super old! But super good. It's catchy and synthy which is awesome. And I also really like the somewhat vague yet inspiring lyrics. Take a listen for yourself and let me know what you think. Look for big things from these guys in the years to come.

The Journey Begins..

Starting tomorrow,
Come on a journey with me. No this isn't the kind of journey you're thinking of. It's much less fun and/or trippy than what you are probably picturing.

Starting tomorrow I'm going 21 days with no dessert and proper size portions. Blah blah blah not another girl with a blog talking about DIETING. NO.

First of all, I am strongly opposed to dieting in general. I mean look at the word - the first three letters spell DIE. But here's the thing - I'm an elite level swimmer and that means I need to take extra good care of my body. Plus, I also don't really have a lot of physical gifts - I'm 5'6 and have tiny hands and feet. I also am not naturally very long and lean, HENCE I need all the help I can get to compete with the 6'1 size 12 feet girls that I race against. HENCE I need to make sure I fuel myself properly.

Now I'm kind of a food nerd. I've read about 3 books about the benefits of eating raw/eating Paleo. Basically if you know anything about health and nutrition these days, experts are saying that we need to eat whole, unprocessed foods and food that isn't cooked is better for you (but don't go around just eating raw eggs and meat now!). Anyways, so I know how I should be eating but I also LOVE LOVE LOVE to eat junk food and really any food that's bad for you. SO.

I need to fix this because like I said I need all the help I can get. Starting tomorrow, I will take this 21 day journey and let you (proverbial "you" since I pretty much know for a fact no one reads this!) know how it all goes. Hopefully I'll begin to feel better (as in more energetic, better fueled) and feel better about myself! Keep your fingers crossed that I'll have the power to say no to many of my favorite things!

And here's a little athlete inspiration:

Young and Beautiful

Will you still love me
When I'm no longer young and beautiful

So I'm seriously going through a Lana del Rey phase. She is FIERCE. And not only that she is HOT and young and beautiful (duh why do you think she wrote the song). I know what you're thinking: "What is this girl talking about Lana is freaking out of her mind! She's bizarre and not even that good of a singer!"

WRONG.

First yes she is bizarre but whatever! She knows who she is and she don't give a cur what anyone else has to say about it. Part 1 of why she is so awesome - she lets her freak flag fly and looks fabulous while doing it.

Part 2 - her music is BOMB. I can hear you right now "Really? 'Will you still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful' that sounds pretty lame and self-centered if you ask me." You're wrong again. First of all, yes she is freaking gorgeous and she knows it (you can't not know when you look like LDR) but on the real she knows that's what she has going for her so it's a legitimate concern when giving yourself/your love to someone else: how do you know they're not just with you for your looks? This is just one example - listen to her other stuff. Her voice is pretty much the definition of sultry, her range is unreal (not like Mariah Carey but seriously listen to Blue Jeans, it's pretty impressive), and she just works it. Not only that, but she writes her own stuff and her subject matter isn't entirely terrible either. I mean it's actually pretty fascinating the way she has a vintage sound that's very soft and subtle but she sings about the fast moving modern lifestyle and the many problems you can face from love/damaged relationships.

Basically, I aspire to be LDR. She's young, hot, successful, and confident in who she is - isn't that like the definition of what young girls should aspire to be? Sure she's somewhat trashy and extremely sexual but whatever! When you look like that you can be! And it's not like she's all over the news for doing drugs or sleeping with a whole bunch of people or getting naked everywhere - she's just doing her work making music and being a performer!

Disclaimer: I am not advocating that all young girls should try and be inappropriately trashy and sexual just because or that you need to look what society has told us is "hot" in order to be confident and fierce. I'm simply saying that you can't hate on LDR for being cray when she's literally just rocking what she's got which is what everyone should do! Let's all channel a little Lana and be confident being weird - and looking fabulous while we do it.

And now the most relevant Lana song to life right now:

It's Time

It's time to begin, isn't it
I get a little bit bigger than this
I'll admit

Today marks the beginning of the next phase in my life - the phase where I stop making excuses, the phase where I become solid - someone people can turn to and depend upon in moments of high pressure. It marks the beginning of my diet - I WILL REACH MY WEIGHT GOAL NO MATTER WHAT (don't worry it's a perfectly healthy weight a la my senior year of high school). I will be more organized and care of the things that need to be taken care of first. I will be active, stretch, have fun, and recover. I will sleep more - go to bed earlier and nap during the day.

Most of all: I WILL HAVE CONFIDENCE. Something I've struggled with in the past, but I'm done with that now. I'm sick of it, of being that girl who always is holding back tears. Screw it. I looked myself in the eye and said "I don't want to feel that way again." I need to fully embrace the fact that my journey - while it may not go exactly as planned - is different from anyone else's and belongs solely to me. And it's time to take charge of that. 

It's going to take some more steps to get where I want to be. I know what it means to work hard and I know what it means to sacrifice- I've been doing it for the better part of 11 years. I DESERVE to achieve my goals so now I have to set myself on that path. I WILL BECOME MORE THAN EXCELLENT.

And that starts today. 

It's time to begin.